Spring

In the early days of this 2008 Major League Baseball season a friend and I went to see a Thursday afternoon Detroit Tigers game at Comerica Park while they played host to the visiting Texas Rangers.

It was a mildly warm and sunny April day – clear skies abounded - Perfect for baseball - with no rain in the forecast. I had brought along another co-workers camera in hopes of getting some close-up shots of some Rangers and Tigers players.

I recall joking with my friend that it was Career Day – he’d recently been laid off from our workplace.

Josh Hamilton – who has easily been the Texas Rangers MVP this season, was just beginning to hit his stride in what has been a truly amazing year.

However - much to my dismay – the cat calls and heckling still remained at a premium at this time.

Did Hamilton ’s large 6’4” frame chalked full with tribal tattoos project a tough guy image – and therefore one who was deserving of the seedy side of trash talk?

Was this some shameful thug with a drug-riddled history - deserving of an intense daily orator’s ass whuppin’ – all while trying to play the game he was born to play?

The past drug problems we’re well documented - and true.

But the verbal diarrhea bestowed upon this great man - to me – just didn’t feel right.

I’d followed Josh’s story since his belated rookie season in Cincinnati - and was aware there was more to this man than meets the eye – and definitely more to him than his speckled past.

I felt bad for him – but sat quietly as the innings progressed.

Both my friend and I hoped – especially for the young kids around us that it would stop as the game went on.

It didn’t.

In fact, it just got worse.
Each inning the Comerica Park beer helped alter a few tipsy Tigers fans into an intoxicated bleacher crowd who felt it necessary to falsely impress those within earshot with their witless candor.

“Hey Hamilton – want some more crack!” and “Hey Hamilton need a crack pipe!?” rained down from the upper deck.

Sadly - this is the “PG-13” heckling fit for print.

Arrows of misguided vocal hate shot towards the big mans shoulders as I asked my buddy…

“Do you think he can hear them?”

“Probably” my friend quipped.

“I hope not” I calmly whispered - secretly wondering if I was the only one who thought this was wrong.

The juvenile banter was not only a harsh personal attack on a man who had made significant strides in dealing with his personal demons – but it was an embarrassment to me – a longtime Tigers fan who wished the class acts would move to another section – or better yet – go home.

And yes – I understand - and advocate route route routing for the home team and jeering the opposition.

But for one - these “fans” had not ventured out on this day to enjoy a baseball game.

They were there to get drunk and while there, get their rocks off by yelling obscenities – during an afternoon game – surrounded by grade school children.

Most of these kids, I was guessing, had came out to see a Tiger’s game – not an inquisition.

They wanted to see their local heroes like Pudge and Mags - not listen to a watered down version of Andrew Dice Clay lay into a player who only an hour before game time was witnessed delivering an impromptu autograph session along the first base line for as many adoring fans as he could during the Rangers batting practice.

Unfortunately, as the rubble rousers grew - and the ales flew – one of Josh Hamilton’s loudest critics on this particular day seemed typically egged on by some surrounding fans supportive laughter.

To be continued…

In most leagues - you can see when a manager made his last move – and you can therefore tell that he’s “been on”.

When I notice a guy had time to log on and move some guys around or make a quick pick up, but neglected to answer my trade, I simply get exhausted with him and question why the game’s been put on PAUSE?

I usually give the manager the benefit of the doubt and generally leave an offer up for 2 days provided nothing has changed to suggest I do otherwise. I leave comments as well – explaining why this deal may be good for us both.

If he doesn’t agree - and rejects – despite being sometimes floored that he won’t make the deal – I graciously move on.

I have NO problems with a fellow player saying “NO” – I don’t take his stupidity personal - and nor should you! Players have every right to reject a swap - even if you think they’re acting crazier than your ex-girlfriend for doing so.

But to ignore your trade offer – let alone one you felt was fair and beneficial to both parties - for several days? Hmmm…

Well, that my friends is as rude as a Barry Bonds interview.

But Screwter - Perhaps the guy wants to see if he can make a subsequent deal first?

Or perhaps he’s not been following the latest goings on in the world of Fantasy Baseball so he needs to - ala “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” - phone a friend for a more expert opinion.

Fine.

If either of these are the case - or if you are just too busy to collect the pertinent data required to hypothesize such a deep and meaningful question - at the very least send the trade sender a brief note stating that you need a couple of days to think it over.

A couple of days - AS in 48 Hours!

I re-iterate - that is the absolute longest it should ever take to respond to a trade offer!

Not a couple of weeks.

Again – we are not debating something that requires a tremendous amount of depth here.

It’s about as cut and dry as doing away with the joke that is Ontario’s mandatory vehicle emissions testing known to us long suffering hosers as:

Here’s a brief note to the dynamic duo responsible for such a heinous test - The Ministry of Environment (MOE) and The Ministry of Transportation (MTO):

PLEASE consider doing something about the thousands of transport trucks going up and down the 401 every day and leave my 2001 4 cylinder sh#t box alone –Please eliminate this bogus test that can be duped by a $10 product from Crappy Tire entirely – and please do NOT replace it with some test that is even worse!Sorry, that LITTLE angry Canadian rant was a little off topic eh? Well, if you don’t like my point - then TAKE OFF eh!

IN SUMMARY

There are lots of things to learn in life – here are three lessons that, in my opinion, will make the world a much better place if we all abide by them:

1) AS Tarantino taught us – you NEVER, EVER under any circumstances key another man’s vehicle! You just don’t do it. It’s the act of a d#ckless d#@hbag! Messing with another human being’s ride is grounds for execution! You just don’t do it!

2) Take no more than 48 Hours to decide on ANY Fantasy trade proposals – EVER!

There.

Now if only everyone conceded to these two minor rules in life!

Wouldn’t the world instantly become a better place!

Well…that and get rid of Ontario’s mandatory ‘Drive Clean’ e-tests once and for all!

Oh! And abolish ALL telemarketing calls, but that goes without saying!

There. Now the world IS definitely a better place!

You can all thank me later…I leave you with a quote:

“When music and courtesy are better understood and appreciated, there will be no war.” - Confucius

Peace out players! Your opinionated pal - Screwter.

No, I’m not here to discuss the virtues of one of the very few Eddie Murphy films I can actually stomach, but rather the time it should take a Fantasy Manager to respond to a trade proposal.

That’s right - 2 days is plenty of time to figure out whether or not you want to part with your best closer - or deal that diamond in the rough that you’ve been hanging on to. It’s also enough time to decide on a multi-player swap as well.

I am getting increasingly tired of the response time some managers take to ponder and debate trade proposals. Almost to a point where I just as soon head to the waiver wire for some instant gratification rather than wait…and wait…and wait…

As serious a player as I am - we are playing FANTASY BASEBALL folks – not trying to figure out the inner workings of a conspiracy to keep marijuana illegal - or asking for evidence for a neo-populist speaker to admit that the speaker does not speak for the people.

Huh?

A typical one for one trade is usually a simple resolve. Well, at least it should be.

WILL this help make my team better? (This is the obvious first thing I ask myself, what about you?)

If you answer YES – than pull the trigger and make the trade before the guy making the offer gets feet colder than Scott Baio’s and cancels his offer.

Some players just can’t ‘ever’ seem to make up their minds can they?

If you answer NO – then ask yourself- why not?- and perhaps either counter, or dig a little deeper into the schedule to see what lies ahead for the players in question.

Keeper leaguers and multiplayer deals can be a little more difficult. A players age and potential may be more prevalent considerations as one labors over this non-life threatening decision.

And yes when a deal consists of several players it can be a bit more challenging to dissect the offer- but not so difficult that you require an entire week to “think it over”!

If you think you are being nice by not rejecting a trade instantly that you don’t care for, and have almost zero chance of making - think again.

The manager offering the deal has spent his valuable time trying to devise a plan to try and better his team – and if he’s smart, he’s come up with something that might help you out in the process – that’s when most deals get done – WIN/WIN right?

NOW, in turn, you owe him the courtesy of a response!

AND IT SHOULD NOT TAKE THAT LONG TO FIGURE OUT!!!

Obviously during the dog days of summer we may occasionally be gone on vacation. If you plan to be gone to a deserted island where WI-FI is not an option, or your significant other has asked that you leave the laptop at home – simply post a message stating that you will be away from your CPU for the designated time your trip has been planned.

It sounds simple enough…

But I’m willing to bet a lot of players NEVER even think about offering such a courtesy to the rest of their league – but why!!!??? Because they are the competition - and thus the enemy?

That’s horse manure. This is a GAME people – and one which should be embraced equally for its fun and comradery as the quest to win a few dollars or your league’s imaginary Fantasy trophy!

There’s nothing more satisfying than wondering for days on end - and maybe in some cases over a week - why Bob from accounting has not decided to accept your Atkins for Aramis offer is there?

So @#@# frustrating!!!   Read more on this tomorrow…